Love and Duty

 

 

 

 

 

Nine days old and the baby had already changed so much!

Maximus beamed as he saw his little son being carried through the hallway by his wife. It was a relief to see Paolina up and about again. The bleeding had continued much longer than they had hoped- but she had pulled through, and now she was coming toward him, clad in a lovely formal tunica and stola, to formally present his son.

Maximus' hand tightened around the little bulla that his child would wear around his neck. The charm itself was gold- a simple, incribed disc....but the cord that suspended it was leather- crude, some might say, but a tradition for Maximus and his family. Although his time in the army had enriched his fortune, and his position in the social scheme, he never wanted his son to forget his roots. He was proud to be a farmer. Proud to be a provincial. Proud to be part of the backbone that supported the mighty empire.

He straightened as Paolina entered the room. Ranged next to the new father were Paolina's cousin, her brothers and Quintus, while the various sisters-in-law, General Claudius, and a few other guests and servants watched along the back wall. Everyone seemed relaxed and happy- everyone, that is, except for Quintus and Aelia. Though they were still polite and affectionate with each other, there seemed to be a distance between them that he had never noticed before. There was also a conspicuous absence of creaking bedspring coming from the nursery. Idly curious, Maximus wondered if there was something wrong.

Returning to the moment, he met Paolina's eye, smiling broadly, and she walked forward. She knelt in front of him, and Maximus winced slightly. He could see from her tight expression that the movement was painful for her.

"Husband, this is the child that I have borne you." She said in a clear voice.

She shared a proud look with her spouse. Maximus held the gaze for a beat, before helping her to her feet and then kneeling to the child. He extended the little baby's arms and legs, gently stroking each perfect finger and toe. The inspection was more ritual than substance- he knew that, even if the child were lame or deformed, he could not order him exposure. Happily, the child was perfect, and so Maximus gathered him into his hands and lifted him toward the sky.

"The child is sound.." He said, feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes as he lay the little bulla around the baby's neck with one hand, cradling the tiny figure easily in the other palm. "He Marcus Decimus Meridas." His voice cracked slightly with emotion as he finished proudly."My son."

A round of cheers and congratulations resounded in the room as the guests gathered around the proud parents.

 

*****

 

Twenty-five days after the cerimony Maximus was walking around the camp in search of Quintus. He wanted to speak with him about a matter which could no longer be postponed, Quintus' increasing severity with the soldiers. The discipline in the camp had always been harsh but just, with punishment distributed in proportion with the degree of fault. Since their return from Germania Quintus had punished the merest mistake with whipping, a method which had been used in the past only for grave negligences or repeated mistakes or disobediences. The men were tired from the fighting as well as the rebuilding of the camp and the farms of the sorrounding area and some of them were mourning the deaths of they beloved, killed during the barbarian raid.. Morale had plummeted dangerously.

Finally Maximus spotted Quintus entering his tent in the Praetorium and followed him.

"May I come in?" he asked standing near the tent entrance. Since his promotion to legate had been given a personal tent so he and Quintus no longer shared quarters when sleeping in the camp.

Quintus nodded without enthusiasm.

Maximus sat at the desk and without foreplays asked, "What's wrong Quintus?"

His friend raised his eyebrow and replied defensively, "What do you mean? There is nothing wrong."

"Don't lie to me, I know you too well. You have been very nervous these past two weeks and its affecting your treatment of the soldiers."

Quintus looked to his friend and commanding officer and sighed miserably. He did not want to explain  such a personal problem, but Maximus was a friend, possibly his best friend, and he the had right to know. Besides, maybe speaking his problems aloud would lessen the tension he held inside.

"You are right Maximus, there is a problem....It concerns Aelia..."

"What? Did you fight?" Maximus asked, annoyed with himself for not surmising it sooner.

"No, we did not fight, but things are not going well as usual. You see..." he paused, looking away. "Aelia has been traumatized by what almost happened to Paolina so that...now..." He took a deep hreath. "She has decided she no longer wants babies....And, as you know there is only a way be sure that won't happen..."

Maximus was shocked. He had not thought about such a possibility. He cleared his throat, a bit embarassed and said, "Well maybe, as time passes, her memory will become less painful and she will change her mind..."

"That is what I am telling myself...but do you know how terrible it is to lie next to your wife every night and not be able to touch her? I respect her -and love her- too much to try to argue,  but I am no longer resting when I am with her. If this situation isn't be resolved soon, I might be forced to leave the house and stay here." His jaw quivered. "I hate how she is suffering, but I don't know how to help her." Quintus bowed his head, clearly in emotional pain.

"Listen to me Quintus, maybe we can ask to Paolina to speak with Aelia...."

Quintus gave him a sceptical look...How could Paolina convince Aelia after all she had endured?

"You see, my wife and I will be in a situation much like yours for the rest of our lives,'" Maximus added, "Paolina has been... damaged... and the doctor told us she must absolutely avoid another pregnancy. BUT he also gave us advice on how to avoid it." He continued, his cheeks flushed bright red "...So maybe you and Aelia's too could use the same system."

Quintus' eyes brightened a little. "Do you think Paolina would do that--I mean speak with Aelia to reassure her?"

"Yes, I think she would it. She said that having Marcus has been one of her greatest joys..it does not matter what price she had to pay. She wants you and Aelia be as happy as we are so she will be eager to help. If you want, I would ask her myself so you wont be too embaressed."

Quintus nodded, "Yes, please, you ask her. As you know I will spend the next ten days in the other camp near the border, so Aelia will be less tense --she is very nervous too -- and perhaps she will be more receptive of her cousin's words."

"All right, consider it done."

The two friends were silent for several moments until Quintus said, "Thank you Maximus...just having this in the open is helping me- I promise to be less short tempered with the troops."

Maximus smiled. "I know that. Now come, I believe you must prepare for your travel."

 

35

 

Quintus spoke to Aelia very little before departing, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek and avoiding her eyes. "Take care." He whispered softly, but swallowed the "my love". He DID love her- that had not changed in the slightest- but things were so awkward between them now. It frightened him..

Maximus and Paolina watched the little exchange with a hint of sadness. Maximus because he knew how his friend was hurting, and Paolina because she did not understand what was going on.

 

*****

 

That night, Marcus slept in the nursery for the first time. Paolina was reluctant to let him go, insisting that he would be hungry in the night, but Maximus assured her that the nurse could provide for him adequately.

Although his wife's strength had returned, Maximus wanted to be sure that she got as much rest as possible... He had other, selfish reasons as well- the barbarian raids had signaled only a temporary retreat to the South. The battles were still raging along the borders and soon, very soon, he and Quintus would have to return.

He snuggled Paolina very tightly against his chest, revelling in the soft rythmn of her heartbeat, thankful for the warmth of her skin, and the regular rise and fall of her chest. He liked to hold her like this, watching her fall asleep in his arms.

Tonight, however, she did not fall asleep. She turned to him and quietly nuzzled his neck.

"All alone." She whispered deeply. Her fingers lightly traced the side of Maximus' ribs, drawing a shiver that made him inhale sharply.

"Paolina!" He said, grabbing her hand. She arched an eyebrow, questioningly. "Don't."

Paolina's lower lip curled downward into a little pout. "Oh, I am not interesting to you now?" She said lowly disappointed and teasing in the same breath, "I am only a mama for little Marcus..." She moved her hands to the front of his abdomen, pressing downward against the firm ridges until she reached the triangle of curls that surrounded his manhood. She made a little sound of satisfaction as her fingertips closed around his hardened flesh. "Oh...I see..." Her eyes sparkled merrily. "You are *sleepy*..." She moved her fingertips up along his shaft drawing him toward her as she mimiced the motions of lovemaking. Only with great concentration was the Spaniard able to pull her fingers away.

"No, Paolina..." he said in an uneven voice.

"No?"

"No...It's too soon...I'll hurt you."

"I am ready, Maximus." She said, drawing his hand between her legs so that she could feel the hot, inviting flesh of her body. "I have been ready...." She leaned forward to kiss his ear.

Gently, Maximus pushed her away. "Selene, you need rest..." Finally, seeing the hurt in her eyes, he admitted the truth. "I'm afraid."

She sighed and drew away her hands. After a long pause, she finally spoke. "I too am afraid, but my fear does not outweigh my love...or my need for you...How will we overcome our fears if we do not try-?"

"What if you become pregnant?" Maximus said, wanting her, but in the same time ordering himself to refrain. "Selene, if I was the reason that you-"

"I will not die...We will have many children...thirteen more and-"

"Selene, no." Maximus' voice was firm. He knew that she was teasing, but it was best if they didn't even mention the possibility of such things. "You spoke to Tertulla. You know the risk."

"But-"

"Selene, I will keep you in my bed...I WANT you there, but darling please, promise to me- SWEAR to me that you will not take any risks...there are times of the month when..." He blushed crimson a his voice trailed off.

His wife sighed heavily and turned away, then finally, she linked her fingertips through his and drew him toward her again. "We will argue about this later." She said, raising her neck to kiss him and arching her hips toward him.

"Please, Maximus?" When he hesitated, she continued quickly. "As long as I am nursing Marcus we will be safe- Tertulla has told me so-"

"But your wounds...."

"They are healed...Maximus, nothing will make me feel better than having you near me..." Her voice grew deeper as he tightened his arms around her. "...inside me...."

At last, his resolve gave way. He did want it, after all, and as he lost himself in her body, the voices that echoed his fears grew fainter. Paolina felt so strong in his arms - so full of life! It was impossible to believe that a mere month ago she had nearly died....Maximus kept his eyes open as he made love to her, revelling in the voluptuousness of her new body. Paolina had always been slender- muscular and compact, but the pregnancy had added fullness to her hips, and a softness to her stomach that made his hands wish to linger...Her breasts were heavy with milk, their fullness spilling out of his hands, and their sweetness intoxicating as he guiltily sampled their wares ....Selene!

He felt home at last, and wished that he could linger...But there was still the problem of Quintus and Aelia.

 

*****

 

Maximus held Paolina all night, and when she awakened, he finally explained the problem. Paolina was upset by the idea that she had played a role in her cousin's troubles, but she understood the fears.

"Her mother died giving birth to her little brother...though she was young, she remembers it well...and that is how one of the Claudia's died too...."

"Will you speak with her?"

Paolina flushed. "Is Quintus afraid to speak to her himself?"

"What can he say, Paolina? He is a soldier. His life is risk- but he does not want to discount her fears. You understand her better...and can explain to her the joys of motherhood...and alternately, the methods that Tertulla has told us."

The flush deepened. "Then he isn't adverse to remaining childless?"

"Not for now...but..."

They stared at each other.

"I will speak to her." Paolina said at last, but her face betrayed that she did not relish the job...

 

*****

 

After breakfast and after feeding little Marcus, Paolina went in search of Aelia. She did not liked the idea of interfering in Aelia and Quintus' private lives but she felt more than a little responsabe for the situation.

Aelia was standing in the courtyard feeding chickens. She raised her head when she saw her cousin approaching. Aelia smiled, Paolina looked radiant that morning! Her steps were brisk and light. I was a relief to see her so well...so alive.

"Cousin!" Aelia greeted, "You look like a cat who swallowed a canary!"

Paolina's smile widened. In spite of her distaste for what she had to do, she was feeling very well and happy...the night in Maximus' arms had performed its usual magic. "In a certain sense, yes...." She blushed and grinned at her own naughty joke.

"Oh," commented Aelia, not quite catching her meaning but too embarassed to ask for an explanation.

Paolina gathered her courage and decided not to beat around the bush. "I spent a wonderful night with Maximus." She winked to the other girl, as if to leave her no doubts about what she meant.

Aelia frowned and her mouth opened in surprise. After all that Paolina had endured and the danger she faced, Paolina made love with her husband?

Her cousin saw the reaction and walked nearer. She put a hand on Aelia's shoulder. "Is something wrong?"

"No..." Aelia frowned. "yes...Don't you think it might be...dangerous?"

Paolina shrugged, "I need my husband- and the rewards are worth of the risks."

"But the doctor...he said.." Aelia seemed too shocked or afraid to finish her sentence.

"He said Maximus and I had to be careful...and we have been. Since I am still nursing we had no problems and then, well, Manlius and Tertulla gave us plenty of advice about avoiding pregnancy in the future without renouncing our pleasure."

Aelia blushed at the straightforwardness and Paolina decided to press on, "If you want, I could tell you about them, they are quite simple to follow."

Aelia looked straight in her eyes and asked defensively, "Why I should need them?"

Paolina sighed, "Quintus spoke with Maximus yesterday...He said you are afraid of becoming pregnant and that you are.... avoiding him. Maximus told me Quintus had been very nervous in the last weeks and he is concerned about him as I am about you."

Aelia lowered her eyes, "I thank you for your kindness but I want to sort out this problem by myself..I need time to think...I need time to forget....Oh Paolina how can you be so brave? You almost died! All that blood.."

"Aelia, I am not brave..I am scared but I don't want to live with fear all my life. Nor do I want to live with regrets. I want to savor all what life has to offer...maybe I am as reckless here as I have always been, but I can't change what I am." She paused and added softly, "I don't want to force you to do anything, I only ask to you to think about what I told to you and to remember that there is another person involved in this, a man who loves you dearly and who needs you."

Aelia nodded and said finally, "I promise to think about it." and Paolina considered herself satisfied.

 

 

36       

 

Ten days later Quintus returned, feeling very tired and frustrated about his mission in the south of the country.

It was late evening when he arrived at the villa where he and Aelia where still living until their cottage was rebuilt. He found his wife sitting in the parlor along with Paolina and Maximus.

After a brief excange of greetings he marched out to the bathroom and Aelia quickly followed him, to help him get rid of the dirt and the sweat of his ride.

Maximus and Paolina lingered in the parlor for about half a hour and then decided to retire. The previous night,  Marcus had cried until dawn, keeping them awake, and now they were dog tired. Tonight, the baby would be left in the care of his nurse!

As they walked hand in hand along the hallway to their bedroom they heard the telltale noise of creaking bedsprings coming from Quintus' and Aelia's room and they exchanged a knowing smile.

"It seems they resolved their problems," whispered Paolina and Maximus squeezed her hand in reply. They reached their room and closed the door behind them, feeling happy for their dear friends.

 

*****

 

The following morning when Maximus and Paolina stepped down to eat they were surprised to find Aelia eating all alone.

"Good Morning, Aelia."

"Good morning, Maximus, cousin."

They took place at the table and Maximus asked, as he was pouring himself some milk, "Where is Quintus?"

"He is gone to the camp." Aelia's voice was so flat and devoid of emotion that both Maximus and Paolina turned their heads to look at her. The young woman was very pale, her skin seemed stretched on her fine cheekbones.

Paolina and her husband exchanged a look and then she asked, " Is something wrong?"

Aelia shook her head, "No, I am just... not very hungry, and I am tired....I think I will return in my room," and she left without adding anything else.

Paolina and Maximus looked at each other perplexed but the sound of Marcus crying with all his strength distracted them and they rushed to see what their baby was doing.

 

*****

 

Later that morning Maximus rode to the camp to assist to a scheduled drill of the new recruits. He knew that soon they would be called back to the front and it was his job to ensure the new enlisted men were trained well enough. He spent hours in the drills and around afternoon he went to his tent to write a message for General Claudius.

As he walked in the Praetorium he passed by Quintus' tent and by force of habit he poked his head inside. What he saw made him stop in midstride. His friend was sitting on the bed, his head bowed so low it almost touched his knees, and in a voice barely audible he continued to repeat.."...What I have done...what I have done..what I have done.."

Worried, Maximus stepped inside. Hearing him, Quintus' head snapped up, fresh tears drying on his face. Maximus gasped. Quintus had always been less emotional than he-  in their years together he had never seen him cry.

"Quintus, what's going on?"

The liutenant looked at him with blank eyes and said, "Maximus, I have just made the worst mistake of my life.."

"What are you talking about?" Maximus knelt on the floor in front of his friend.

"It is Aelia..."

"Yes...?"

Quintus bit his lower lip, "Yesterday evening...I...she...she was helping me  bathe and... she was so beautiful ...I needed her badly--so..so...I did it". Quintus lowered his head again.

Maximus took him from his shoulders and asked, a little bit worried, "What did you do, Quintus?"

"I forced her.. I told her I was her husband and had to obey to me.."

"Oh Gods!" Maximus was stunned. "And how did she take it?" As soon he completed the sentence, Maximus realized he did not need the answer, Aelia's pale face that morning had told him all he needed to know.

"She said nothing...she did not fight, but after it was over she turned on her side and cried herself to sleep."

Before Maximus was able to open his mouth again a soldier entered the tent and looked at Quintus.

"Liutenant, as you requested I am here to tell you the fifth century is ready for the drill and is waiting for you, sir."

"Of course...I'll be there right away." He signaled the man to leave, and then turned, gathering his weapons and helmet.

"Quintus-" Maximus laid a hand on his friend's forearm as if to impede his progress, but it was brushed away.

"Duty calls." he said lightly.

Maximus' face remained dark. *No Quintus* He thought as he watched the man's figure disappear through the tentflap. *duty is what you're trying to avoid*.

 

*****

 

Maximus returned with a heavy heart for his final night at home. He decided against telling Paolina what he had learned- she was burdened enough already, and he had no doubt that Aelia would confide in her in due time... The girl was not at dinner, and he was secretly grateful that he would not have to face her before he left.

The night was a mixture of laughter and tears. He made love to Paolina and then, as they prepared to rest, they collected Marcus from the nursery and slept with him cradled between their bodies. The legate laid awake for a long time after his family's eyes were closed, to simply watch them sleep, painfully aware of the changes that the coming months would work on his little one, wishing feverently that he could freeze time.

The sun did not stand still. Morning came, much sooner than anyone wanted it and, with a final, lingering kiss, Maximus was bound again for the frontier, and the ceaselessly restless Germanic hordes. Paolina watched him go with tears in her eyes- she remembered cataloguing the new scars on his body when he had returned last summer...how many more would he bear when he returned? *Please Gods, let him return* She prayed feverently. She watched him ride down the little lane exiting the farm and then, gathering the baby in her arms, ran up the hillside to her rock.

He remembered to wave. He turned to her, just when she thought he had forgotten, and raised his sword int he air as a private salute. The image burned hotly in her mind- the sunlight glinting on polished metal, the proud posture of his body- the loving smile that she couldn't quite see, but could imagine on his face. She stood there, still waving, until the horses dissappeared into the folds of the surrounding hills...and then some more, imagining their progress until the sun dipped low on the horizon.

 

37

 

Little Marcus seemed to consume all of Paolina's time, and the days slipped past faster than she had feared. Aelia's spirits had not rebounded, but Paolina chalked this up to stress regarding the welfare of her husband.

Unlike Paolina, Aelia did not have a little child to hold and to remind her each day of her husband's love. Also unlike Paolina, Aelia's husband did not seem inclined to write letters. Each month, when the mail bags were delivered, Paolina was hopeful that a message would come.

 It did not.

 There were always two, and sometimes three missives from Maximus- letters that Paolina happily, and extensively reciprocated- setting down massively detailed accounts of Marcus' every coo. Paolina wondered if she should mention Quintus' odd silence to Maximus...then she decided against it. Maximus had been oddly reticent to discuss Aelia in his letters, often omitting her entirely. Paolina had the uncomfortable sensation that he was hiding something, and she did not wish to prove herself right. Besides, Aelia seemed to accept the lack of communications. She carried on normally- with the exception that she seemed to be eating more, and that she had quit wearing her pretty clothes. Nowdays, she simply skulked around the farm swaddled in loose, simple tunicas and heavy stolas, rather than the elegant shifts and shawls she had been inclined toward in the past.

The change was so gradual to Paolina, that she did not see cause to remark upon it... and then, at last, the men returned.

 

*****

           

It was Claudius who said it first.

Perhaps, since he was the most outlying member of their family, he had the least to keep hidden- and the least knowledge of the troubles his granddaughter and her husband suffered.

Maximus, Claudius, and Quintus had all ridden to the farmhouse as soon as they arrived home from the war. Paolina and Marcus- who was now crawling almost everywhere, and in love with the feel of grass under his hands- were playing in the lane outside the house. Maximus' wife called to Aelia as she saw the three riders arrive, and then, Marcus balanced on her hip, ran down the lane to meet them without giving her cousin a second thought.

It was the general's startled voice that made her turn around.

It was a warm but blustery day, and the autum wind had blown his granddaughter's tunica tightly against her body.

"Aelia! You're..." He swung off his horse, running toward her. "You're pregnant!"

Paolina's stopped suddenly. Her eyes grew very wide, and she met Maximus' equally startled gaze before turning around. The old man was crazy! What could he be talking about?Aelia wasn't-

But she was.

There was no need to hide her condition now, and so the heavy stola was dropped to the dust. Even the shapeless tunica could not hide the telltale roundness of the girl's belly. Paolina shook her head in disbelief. How could she have lived with Aelia and not have known? Why hadn't Aelia told her? Had Aelia told anyone? Had she told Quintus? Paolina turned to look into his face...

What she saw left her speechless. Quintus had turned as pale as a corpse and his lips moved without emitting any kind of sound. She turned her gaze to Aelia and saw she was staring to her husband with accusing eyes, as if she was telling to him..."So are you satisfied now?" Neither of them seemed happy about what had happened, and so the joyous comments of the old General - who was now shaking Quintus' hand with energy-  seemed completely foreign in the tense atmosphere.

Before Paolina was able to voice her questions, she and little Marcus were drawn into Maximus' strong arms and the feel of his warmth agaist her body made her forget, at least for the moment what she wanted to know.

 

*****

 

In the following few days the relationship between Aelia and Quintus seemed to deteriorate. The barely spoke to each other and Quintus no longer slept with his wife,  but in one of the other rooms. He left very early in the mornings and returned very late in the evening, usually after Aelia had  already retired.

Paolina tried to coax some answers out of Aelia but her cousin stubbornly refused to speak. One evening, in desperation, she even tried to speak with Quintus, hoping he considered her enough of a friend to confide with her, but he too refused to say anything. In the end Paolina decided to confront Maximus. It turned out to be easier than she had expected -it was he who introduced the subject.

He was lying on their bed with the arms crossed over his chest and the lips setted in a grim line. He was a portrait of worry and sitting beside him Paolina asked, "What's wrong, darling?"

"It's Quintus. And Aelia. I did not imagine the consequences of that night would be so painful, I just hoped they would be able to forget...."

Paolina looked at him confused, "What are you saying? What do you mean, 'the conseguences of that night'? What night?"

Maximus signed, "The one before we left for the front...Remember, when we passed in front of their door and heard them making love?" Paolina nodded and he added, "Well the next day I found Quintus in tears in his quarters in the Praetorium....and he confessed he had... forced Aelia to submit to his desires claming it was her duty as his wife."

"Oh Gods!" Paolina was shocked, but her husband's words explained many things: Aelia depressed mood, the lack of letters from Quintus, her secrecy about the pregnancy...

Maximus saw his wife's worried face, "I am sorry I didn't tell you anything but I didn't want to worry you. You had just passed a terrible period and I did not wanted to burden you."

His wife shook her head, dismissing his apologies, and laid her head on his chest.

"You must not feel guilty, Aelia and Quintus are both very proud people. You can help them if they want to be helped... and they don't want it- at least not now. We can only hope they will be able to patch things up....It would be such a tragedy to see their love die, after all the trouble they went through to marry."

Maximus nodded and kissed her head, "You are right, Selene: we can offer advice but only if they want it."

They remained silent for several minutes then Paolina asked, "So, why don't you tell me were you found that wolf-looking puppy you had brought home?" She was referring to a little ball of grey fur that Cicero, Maximus' manservant, had brought to the farm that evening, since Maximus in his hurry to see his little family again had forgotten it at the camp.

Maximus smiled, "Do you like him? He was found just outside the camp. Some of the archers shot its mother for target practice, and only after they found the body did they realize that she was nursing pups.... they were nearly starved, but all three of them were adopted." He grinned, flashing his even teeth. "You have no idea how had it is to find wolf-milk in an army camp."

Paolina sighed, smiling, still amazed that such a fierce warrior could be so gentle. She brushed his hair back away from his forehead and kissed it. "You did not feed it wolf milk!"

"Well....goat milk." He admitted at last.

"And it is not all wolf...."

"No...one of the scout's animals bred with it, perhaps...or wild dogs- there are a few packs running loose, though most are taken in by the Germans and tamed. They work them, you know."

"Work them?"

Glad to be diverted to a different subject than Quintus and Aelia, Maximus launched into a cultural lesson on how some of the tribes trained puppies and dogs to pull loads on little carts and sleds.

 

38

 

Once again, Maximus' return was accomplished with such ease that it was as though he had never been away. The new scars were few- his position as legate had shielded him, somewhat, from a position near the front. He was still too lowly to get away with actually leading a cavalry charge himself (Paolina wouldn't put it past him- even if he were the general himself!), and he was too high ranking to march or ride along with the regular troops. Not that she was complaining. She knew that Maximus ached to be in the middle of the melee, but she was happier with him on a hillside calling out manuvers. She and Marcus needed him more than he realized.

 

*****

 

The next morning, she and Maximus were sitting on the porch letting Marcus play with the puppy. She had been nervous to allow the baby around the dog at first. However, it had soon become clear that, even though the animal was a child himself, he had a gentle nature that would prevent him from bringing her son to harm. He patiently allowed the boy to tug at his ears and tail, and licked the milk and breadcrumbs off the baby's face.

"He'll be riding that dog next year." Maximus said proudly- noting how quickly both his son, and the animal were growing.

Paolina didn't know about that, but she kept her mouth shut.

Deciding that he had enough tugging for the moment, the dog walked to Maximus and whined to be set in his lap. The soldier complied, stroking the rough fur firmly, and rubbing between his pointed ears. Paolina smiled. The dog was, in a way, like a Marcus for her husband. Not that he could ever love the creature as much as his son- but it was a reminder of home, and his family, that he could take with him while he was away.

Paolina bent down to collect her son- crawling too close to the edge of the porch- when something on the horizon caught her eye.

A carriage? She frowned. Claudius and Quintus were at the camp, and Aelia didn't know anyone out of town. "Maximus?" She asked. "Are you expecting a visitor?"

Also confused, the legate shook his head. "No..." wiping his hands on his thighs, he started down the lane to greet their guest. The carriage stopped just beside him, kicking up a cloud of dust as the horses came to a standstill.

From her perch on the porch, Paolina could see her husband's expression. First, curiosity, and then, as he peered into the window, a look of joyful surprise. Her mouth opened a little as the door opened and a lovely woman with straight dark hair and sparkling eyes decended. She reached for Maximus, and he gathered her into his arms. Paolina fought a twinge of jealousy as he kissed the stranger firmly on the cheek and, still linked arm in arm, led her to the porch.

He noted his wife's look of displeasure, but it only made his smile broaden. The woman stepped onto the porch, grinning widely at Paolina and the baby. She did not seem to view them as a threat.

"Paolina!" Maximus said joyfully, reaching for his wife's hand so that he could drag her toward an introduction. "Allow me to introduce Livia Craetia...." He gave the woman another broad grin. "...my mother!"

Paolina's eyes widened. Maximus' mother? But what was she doing here? Not that she minded...she had always been interested in what the woman would be like- especially since they would live together when Paolina finally went to Spain. However, she had not thought about her in a long while. In her mind, Paolina had always pictured Livia as a kind-faced elderly woman with a shuffling walk and chalk-white hair- certainly not the beautiful, spritely woman of only middle age which she found before her now. She must have been a baby when she bore Maximus!

"It is....a pleasure to meet you." Paolina said timidly, giving her husband a wide-eyed look that seemed to say "and what are we supposed to do now". Maximus was beaming broadly...And Paolina noted with a sigh that he did not seem quite so surprised as she.

"It is good to finally meet you as well, dear....Maximus has told me all about you." She walked closer. "But I have to confess, it isn't really you that I came to see..." She was reaching for Marcus and, in her surprise, Paolina let him go, glancing nervously to her husband again as the woman held the little baby against her chest. "He's beautiful..." She looked at Maximus. "And so much like his mother....ah, well. Perhaps he will have your spirit, my son...." She gave Paolina a conspiratorial glance. "And I hope, for your sake, that he does not take Maximus' habits for visiting his mother."

"Mama-"  He began, but she held her hand up.

"I'm not complaining. How could I complain? Obviously, you have had very important things to do....It's only been *five years*..."

"Mama-"

She continued into the house, Marcus in one arm, the other threaded through Paolina's."But then, he always was an independent boy...Did he ever tell you about the time that he..."

The women's voices faded out as they walked into the house, and Maximus, smiling and shaking his head went to pay the carriage driver and collect her luggage. It was going to be an interesting winter.

 

*****

 

 

Meanwhile in  the camp, Quintus was contemplating his --  and Aelia's -- situation.

Finding his wife pregnant had been a shock, he had not expected it, and facing the consequences of his act of prevarication was now very hard. During the months spent in Germania, he had hoped that Aelia would forgive and then forget his shameful behaviour before his leave  He prayed she would concede to him the possibility of starting their relationship anew. In the long, solitary evenings during which Maximus retired to write to Paolina and he longed to write to Aelia, Quintus had promised to himself that he would do everything to regain his wife trust and love. But how could he ask her to fogive him when she carried with her, everyday, the proof of his unbecoming conduct? Quintus sighed. Sooner or later he and Aelia would have to talk and resolve the matter in one way or another. Suddently resolute he decided it was useless to wait any longer. It would be better to take the bull by the horns and have done with it.

He rushed to the stables and without waiting for the groom he saddled his horse and gallopped home. He knew that Aelia had planned to go to their cottage to gauge how the rebuilding was progressing and he hoped to find her alone.

 

*****

 

Aelia was sitting in the shadow of a big oak her eyes fixed on the working slaves. She was lost in thoughts and did not hear the horse or her husband's steps until he stopped near her. She raised her head and paled upon seeing him.

Quintus' heart constricted in his chest at her reaction but was determinated to go on with his plan.

"Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

"Would you go away if I say 'yes'?"

He cringed at her sarcastic tone but replied calmy, "Yes, I would go away."

Aelia turned her gaze back on the house. After some seconds she sighed and said, "Stay."

Quintus sat down beside her --although he kept his distance from her -- and he looked at the house.

They remained silent for what seemed like an eternity until he broke it.

"It seems the work is progressing well...they will reach the roof in a couple of days."

Aelia nodded with her head.

Quintus tried again. He wanted to coax a reaction from his wife, god or bad it might be. How they can possible overcome their problems if they didn't speak about them?

"Coming here I saw a cart parked in front of the villa, do you know who it might be?"

"No." Another cold, hard reply.

Quintus could not stand it anymore. He slid to his knees and turned to Aelia, "Please Aelia, speak to me. I know that what I did was horrible but please, could not we try to find a solution? I will do everything you want, but please speak to me, tell me what you want me to do."

His desperation touched Aelia's heart and her resolve to remain cold began to shake. She still loved him and, even if she wouldn't admit it to anyone, the feel of his child moving inside her was  wonderful ....But she wasn't ready to forgive him, and so she remained silent.

Quintus looked at her pleadingly for a long moment and, at last, sighed in defeat. He rose to his feet and said softly, "I will return to the camp and spoke with your grandfather. I think he will tell me to wait until the baby is born, so he or she will be legitimate but..."

His words caught her attention and she asked, "What are you saying?"

"You want to divorce, don't you? I will not deny it to you.."

Aelia began to tremble and said quickly, "No, no, no, ..!"

"No what?"

"I don't want to divorce!" she answered, her voice choked.

Quintus fell again on his knees, "No? Then tell me want you want....Oh Aelia, if I could turn back the time I would do it, but I can't...I know I was wrong! With every breath I curse myself for harming you...for breeching your trust. I know I haven't any right to ask it from you...but..but.. could you not try to forgive me?" His eyes were filled with tears and Aelia finally realized how deeply he regretted what he had done. The emotions that overcame her were so strong that she was not able to reply with words...She pulled him to her body, her rounded belly coming in the way and began to cry.

"Oh, Quintus," she said between the sobs, '"I am so confused! A part of me is furious with you but another part just wants to hold you and never let you go. I was glad when you were away but I worried so badly about your welfare...."

He held her tightly against him and whispered, "Forgive me, my love....Give me another chance to make you happy. I swear I will never hurt you again."

Aelia stepped back from his chest and looked straight in his eyes and then nodded. She believed to him. She needed him and she was tired to fight anymore. "I forgive you Quintus." A tentative smile appeared on her lips.

Quintus stared at her face, to relieved to belief what he saw, and then he smiled too. "Oh my love, thank you, thank you so much. I will be worthy of this second chance, I promise it."

Their eyes locked and slowly their faces came near until their lips touched.

The kiss that followed was tender and passionate at the same time, expressing all the feelings and the emotions that had been bottled inside them for so many months: love, rage, regret, fear...all mingled together to create a stunning combination. The separated only when their lungs threatened to explode from the lack of air. Even then, they continued to embrace.

 

*****

           

Paolina forced a smile as she stepped into the house. She was not unhappy that Livia Meridia had come to visit. She had a sense that they would truly become friends. However, she had been caught completely unaware. There were only four rooms in the house suitable for guests and they were currently housing Maximus and Paolina, Marcus, Aelia and, since the fighting had not ceased, one for Quintus on the nights that he stayed over- the extra rooms (two chambers belonging to her brothers) had long ago been converted to other purposes.

Paolina sighed. Well, Quintus and Aelia were simply going to have to put up with each other.

"Put them in tata's old room." She said to Maximus as he entered the house with the luggage.

He raised his eyebrows slightly, but did as he was told. Paolina cornered a slavegirl who had come to pour drinks for their guest. "Clean all of Legate Clarus' belongings out of the chamber and change the linens....*now*." She urged in a whisper.            

"Yes, mistress." The girl answered quickly. "But what shall I do with them?"

"Put them in Aelia's room...or throw them in the cellar. I don't care, just make sure it is spotless."

She tried to soften her harsh tone with a little smile. She was usually so good to her help...but then, she usually wasn't under so much stress.

When Paolina returned, Maximus and his mother were gathered around the kitchen table, drinking warm milk from tumblers. She smiled at the little scene, imagining that such gathering must have happened often when her husband was growing up. They looked so content to be together- just as he did with Paolina, Maximus and his mother seemed to have the gift of picking up precisely where they left off.

Things were different now, of course, but in a happy way. Livia was clearly enraptured to meet her little grandson. She held his plump arms above his head as he shakily imitated walking across the wooden floor. He was too little yet, but....Paolina felt a pang....soon....

Shaking her head clear of the thought, Paolina swept to the center of the little circle. "I'm sorry that the house is such a mess." She said, brushing the hem of her skirt on an imaginary fleck of dirt. "If I had known that you were coming..."

"- then it wouldn't have been a surprise..." She flashed a smile almost identical to her son. "And the house looks lovely....rather like our  farm in Trujillo, doesn't it, Maximus..." She looked at him, her eyes flashing as she prepared to tease him. "Or do you remember? It's been so long..."

Maximus laughed and shook his head. "I remember, mother...and it isn't my fault that the German army won't give up. I hardly have time to ride to Trujillo and back during the break."

"Yes. Well....It will be better now that Paolina and Marcus will be with me..." She smiled at her daughter-in-law. "Who is going to manage the house when you are gone?"

"Gone?"

"Yes..." Livia frowned and looked at Maximus as if she needed him to explain Paolina's puzzlement. "When you come with me to Spain..."

 

*****

 

 

Aelia and Quintus returned home hand in hand, their calm faces at complete odds to the relief and passion which churned within them. Meeting Maximus' mother- which ordinarily would have been a delight- was instead, a painful ordeal. They sat mutely through polite small-talk in the kitchen for what seemed like hours, only to spend another three hours at the elaborate cena which Paolina, in her wishes to impress her mother-in-law, had ordered. They wished to appear polite, but they wanted nothing more than bed, and time alone together to bask in the glow of their newly recovered happiness.

It was Aelia who came to Quintus, and he demurred, still too ashamed of what he had done to share her body, even if offered willingly.

"No." He said quickly. How could he explain that he did not trust himself anymore? "We need never speak of it again...there are other ways for me to show how much I love you."

"I do not want other ways...I cannot be more pregnant than I already am." She whispered against his ear. "I was afraid of bearing a child. I never stopped wanting *you*." Her voice was soft and passionate, and Quintus felt his resolve falter.

"Are you still afraid?"

Aelia looked away, and then she slowly met his eyes. "Yes....but I can see that Paolina was right. It is wrong to be controlled by fear- wrong not to take the happiness that life allows."

Quintus finally noticed that, while she was speaking, Aelia had stripped her clothing away. She was naked now. Soft and warm, her fertile womb spreading beneath his hand like a ripe fruit.

"Aelia..." he said, exhaling deeply, desire searing through every nerve of his body.

He was, at last, persuaded. He made love to her tenderly and slowly. Every touch was saturated with his longing to erase the travesty of the past with worship in the present. At last, they fell asleep, their bodies tightly pressed together, and the electricity of their connection flowed between them once more.

I will never harm you again....The reminder of his words came again to the forefront of his mind, and he reaffirmed his conviction to carry them out. He leaned forward to smell her hair, and then jerked backwards, shocked as a flash of premonition slid through his mind.

It was a picture of Aelia, her pain magnified a thousand times. He was there too,  clad all in black, dispassionately observing her display. An echo of the past? A vision of the future....a meaningless image brought on by stress? He hugged his wife closer and tried to erase the picture from his mind. I will never harm you again....I will never harm you again....He repeated in his mind. Oh, please Gods, Let it be so.

 

*****

 

 

Paolina stopped abruptly at the landing on the top of the stairs. Her eyes widened with horror as she heard the sound coming from her cousin's room.

"Maximus!" She said, taking a step toward the door, but he pulled her back.

"You're jumping to conclusions, Paolina." He warned, steering his bride toward their own bedchamber.

She swallowed hard, but did as she was bidden. Maximus squeezed her hand reassuringly. Paolina had been too wrapped up in his mother to pay attention to their friends at dinner, but Maximus had noticed a definite change. They were quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. They did not hesitate to sit near each other, brushing hands, and sharing smiles. No mention had been made of Quintus' eviction from the guest room. They had simply ambled off to bed as though it was where they expected to sleep, and Maximus hoped for the best.

Truthfully, he was more than a little bit afraid that Paolina would make HIM sleep in the guest room after his mother had broached the topic of going to Spain. He had not mentioned the topic since the terrible fight before their wedding. He was half-afraid that the incident would be repeated. However, Paolina had barely blinked. She explained, calmly to his mother, that she was planning to go with Aelia to Rome (the first that he had heard of it, but he was used to surprises from Paolina), and could she possibly wait another year.

Another year without her grandson? That had drawn complaint, but it had been quickly solved when Aelia, speaking for perhaps the only time during dinner, had offered for Livia to accompany them.. No doubt, the girl had expected the woman to politely decline, pleading fields or plant, land to buy, cattle to sell- but she had not. As Aelia fell back into silence, Paolina and Livia fell into a whispered conversation of the wonderful things that they would do in the great capitol

It amused Maximus profoundly to see his wife and mother together. Before today, he would have agreed that Paolina and Livia shared many traits in common. Now, however, he could see that the two were cut entirely from the same cloth. Both were firey, passionate, and loving. They were well on their way to a great friendship (which, Maximus did not doubt, would upon occassion revert to a firey hatred for an hour or two until whatever they had been arguing about wore off). They seemed so happy with their plans, that he did not bother to voice his concerns about visiting the mighty city.

Maximus knew that Paolina and his mother, like all provincial women, harbored a fascination for the gilded capitol. He himself would love to see it someday, but he held strong reservations. He had heard enough tales from the Roman men he fought beside to view the metropolis as a center of degredation and excess. Thoughts of the Colosseum, the massive slave-markets, the sprawling slums made the simple, moral farmer within him cringe. He had always felt a shiver when he heard people speak of Rome, and he had always felt, in some indescribable manner, that the city was unlucky for him.

Of course, he realized that Paolina and Livia would laugh at him, and so he remained still. They would be protected in the General's sprawling mansion, even if he was not at home to attend them. Aelia's fortune and name would place the little set on the A list for  the most exclusive, and most coveted invitations in Rome. How could he deny his wife such a gift? And Marcus would benefit from the journey as well. Even if he could not recall the trip, he would be able to claim that he had been. That alone would bestow great cachet.

Feeling contented, and feeling, as he finally slid between his sheets, that the winter would be peaceful and happy, Maximus kissed Selene, and then drifted off to sleep.

 

39

 

The next morning Paolina went down in the kitchen and stopped cold when she saw that Aelia was already there. She was humming by herself -- a thing she had not done in ages - and moved  around the furniture as if she was dancing. After a moment of surprise a slow smile apparead on Paolina's lips as she realized that Maximus had been right the night before about Aelia and Quintus.

She cleared her throat and then grinned to the other, startled, woman.

"Cousin, you are simply radiant."

Aelia beamed. "Thank you Paolina...I feel radiant."

"I surmise the storm is passed and you and Quintus have made peace?"

"Oh, yes....and I must thank you..."

"I? Because I obliged you to share the bedroom?"

"No, for the advice you gave to me. Remember when you told me you can't let fear keep you away from what you love?" Paolina nodded. "Well last night I finally understood how right you were." Aelia crossed the room and embraced her cousin, "Thank you, Paolina."

"You are welcome and remember than I am always here if you need me."

"I will keep that in mind....now let's return to prepare breakfast, the men will be up soon and they will be hungry!"

 

*****

 

After a cheerful meal during which conversation and laughter flowed easily, Maximus and Quintus left and went to the camp. There were many things to do before the snow began to fall and they did not want to abuse of the freedom General Claudius gave to them, allowing them to spend so much time with their families.

They were trotting side by said in amicable silence when they saw a soldier gallop in their direction.

Maximus raised his right hand and the other rider slowed down to a walk.

"Legate Maximus, sir, you are needed urgently to the camp...there had been an accident...General Claudius fell from his horse and he is injuried."

Quintus and Maximus exchanged a look then spurred their horses and quickly reached the camp.

Maximus had just the time to dismount that Cicero rushed to him, "Sir, the General wants to speak with you immediately!"

The Spaniard nodded and ran to the Praetorium.

 

*****

 

The general was waiting for him on his bed, his left leg tighly bound with bandages and splints. The old man was sitting with his back against the headboard and the legate was relieved to see he did not seem to be in much pain.

Maximus bowed his head and asked, "Sir, did you wish to see me?"

"Yes, Maximus. Now take a chair and come near." Claudius gestured with his hand.

Maximus did as he was told and then waited for his superior to tell him the reason of the meeting. Claudius seemed to study him, unwilling to go on and so Maximus said, "I am sorry for the accident, sir."

"I only broke my leg...I should have know better than ride my horse after so many days. He had not been exercised for several days and was bound to be in high spirits- but now it is useless to cry on the spilled milk and I don't want you to be sorry for me, all right? It will give me the chance to go home to Rome along with Aelia, your wife and your little boy...What  more could an old bag of creaking bones like me ask for?" Maximus smiled and the general added,  "However we must first think about the Felix Legions. As maybe you already know this incident will only speed my retirement by one year- since I had finally decided to retire after the next summer campain..."

The legate nodded --such news there difficult to keep secret and in the last months there had been a lot of speculation about who would succed Claudius. One of the legates or a general coming from another legion? "Yes, Sir, I heard about your planned retirement."

"But I bet that even our worst gossipers could not tell anything about my designated successor...Am I right?" Claudius had an ironic smile on his face and the younger man replied with one of his own, once more in awe of his commander's spirit of observation."You are right, sir."

"Well, Maximus, Marcus Aurelius and I chose my successor the same day it was decided the time of my retirement. It was an easy, almost obvious choice on which we both agreed immediately." Claudius' eyes bore into Maximus' ones -- realizing that the younger man had no clue as to what was about to happen - and then he exclaimed proudly, "Ave Maximus, General of the Felix Legions."

Maximus caught his breath. "Sir?" He said in disbelief.

"Congratulations. You've made me very proud these past few years...I am certain that I leave the legions in good hands."

"But...." Maximus needed to say thirty things at once and, as a result, ended up saying nothing. "Quintus." He squeaked out at last. The odds-on favorite. Not as daring as Maximus, nor as consummate a field commander, but talented all the same. More importantly, he was the General's son-in-law. Quintus' reinstatement to legate had, quietly, been granted only a month into the last campaign.. To the men in the ranks- forgetting that he had earned the promotion more than half a year earlier- whispered of nepotism, but then- in the forum or in the field, Rome was a society of politicians..Of all the legates, Quintus Clarus had been held the closest to Claudius. The conventional wisdom had named him as 'the one'. Why had the General changed his mind?

Claudius seemed to be able to sense the man's thoughts. "Some decisions we make with our hearts. Others we make with our heads." He said with a grim smile.

Which one was this? Maximus wanted to ask.

"Thank you, sir." He said abruptly. "I won't let you down."

"I don't expect you to." He smiled warmly. "We'll announce the change of command early next week. I need to get final confirmation of the appointment back from the emperor. I'll clear out of the Praetorium as soon as they get me out of this thing." Claudius said, patting the splint around his thigh derisively.

The Praetorium.

 Maximus frowned. As general, he couldn't leave the camp without a commander ...and Paolina couldn't raise his child in the middle of the army. He had to make certain that his second was on hand at all times...

"...don't you?"

Blinking, Maximus realized that the general was still speaking. "I'm...I'm sorry...what did you say, sir?" He asked, looking up apologetically.

The general merely sighed. He thought back to the day that he had recieved his commission. How everything had been planned so perfectly before it occurred, and then , when the dream became reality, how he was driven to question everything once again.

The old man laughed. "You're dismissed, Maximus..." He waved him out of the tent. "Tell my granddaughter to come and see me if she can still walk-- and remember, don't tell anyone until it's official."

Maximus nodded. He hurried away, his mind still fevered with thought.

 

*****

           

It was one of the easiest births that Tertulla could remember. She said so, in an apologetic tone, to Maximus and Quintus when they rode home in the evening to hear the peaceful quiet of the house shattered by newborn cries.

"I'm sorry we didn't fetch you." Livia apologized to the men as they stepped into the hall."We thought there were hours left.."

Paolina stepped forward and laid her hand on Quintus' shoulder. "And then, when Tertulla checked, the baby was nearly born. We were so caught up that we didn't have time to send anyone after you..." She was nervous about the man's reaction, and would have kept chattering if Maximus hadn't stilled her.

"Is she okay?" Quintus asked anxiously. "I mean....was she...was she very afraid?"

Paolina stretched her lips across her teeth. "At first....when the pains were fresh, but she grew used to them. She was better when Tertulla was here and reassured her....and it wasn't long." Five hours, Paolina thought jealously.

Livia nodded. "Tertulla says that she gave birth like a cat."

Quintus frowned sharply- having been raised in the city, he did not catch the reference, and Maximus was forced to explain it to him. "It means that it was very easy." He paraphrased.

"She is doing fine." Paolina said with a smile. "You should go and see them."

The legate had already disappeared up the stairs before Maximus could even offer congratulations. "What was it?" He questioned, gathering Paolina into his arms. "A boy or a girl?"

"A girl," Livia said, beaming. "- and with the makings of a real beauty. It will be hard for her father to be dissappointed."

"I doubt that he will be." Maximus said. He picked Paolina up off the ground and swung her around.

"What was that for?" She asked, puzzled.

"Oh....nothing." He said, remembering that his good news could not be shared. "Just a happy day."

Paolina squinted at him.

Livia shared the look. "You are up to something Maximus Decimus..." She said slowly. "I can see it."

"No, I'm not." He insisted, blue eyes sparkling. "And if I were, I would be absolutely sworn to secrecy."

As soon as he said it, he knew that he would regret it. It was unfair to remain silent now, the women insisted. Slowly, but surely, he felt his resolve fade.

"Very well, I will tell you...but you cannot let anyone know. He paused and took a breath. "General Claudius has had an accident."

The women shrugged. Was that his news? A messenger had been sent to tell Aelia hours ago.

Maximus pressed on. "He is about to announce his retirement."

Their faces perked.

"He has....told me his successor."

Livia sucked in her breath, and Paolina glanced tentatively up the stairs.

"Me." Maximus said softly.

Livia made a sound of excitement, but quickly clapped her hand over her mouth.

"You cannot tell ANYONE. " he said forcefully, hoping that he truly impressed upon the women the urgency of his request. "Especially not Quintus and Aelia. If Quintus learns, the whole army may know..."

Livia nodded, excitement still bulging her eyes.

"Paolina?" Maximus frowned at his wife. "Paolina, did you hear me?"

Snapped out of her thoughts, Paolina finally answered. "Yes....yes, of course not." She mumbled, but her mind was far away. A general. Oh, why could she not feel happy for him? This was such an honor ...but it also carried great risks. The successes and failures of the legions would reflect directly upon him now. And politics! He would face political as well as military pressure now. He was such an honest, straightforward man...could he see the treacharies of the senate before they gathered him into a trap? Finally, she feared the consequences of his adventurous nature...she felt her stomach tighten ....his bravery might lead him into trouble.

"Paolina, is something wrong?" Livia asked, sharing a worried look with her son.

"No, mother." She answered softly. "Nothing...nothing at all. Congratulations Maximus. I am happy for you."

She wished that she were telling the truth.

 

*****

 

 

Quintus paused briefly in front of the bedroom door and then pushed it open. The scene he saw was so serene and beautiful that his breath caught in his throat. Aelia was on the bed, clad in a loose white nightgown, her back resting against a pile of cushions. Her fair hair was unbound and formed a halo around her lovely face. She was looking down at the small bundle she carried in her arms and her finger caressed a little head of golden hair. She seemed to sense his presence and raised her eyes, smiling to him. "Quintus," she whispered, "Come nearer, I want to introduce her to you."

Her. So it was a girl.

Quintus walked to the bed and sat down beside his wife, kissing her gently on the temple, and then looked down to his daughter. The newborn was sleeping and her tiny feature were relaxed. Quintus exented a hand and hesitantly touched a tiny cheek....How soft the skin was!

Aelia looked at him and asked, "Would you like to hold her?"

Quintus nodded and she passed the baby him. He craddled her against his chest, stroking a little hand with his forefinger. After a while he cleared his throat, pushing away the lump which was constricting it and murmured, "Thank you, my love. Thank you Aelia for this wondeful gift."

She smiled and said relieved, "So you are not disappointed she is a girl and not a boy?"

"Of course not...! How could you think that?"

"Well, many men prefer male children..."

"Yes, but not I. Besides, maybe the next one will be a boy..." Quintus stopped, suddently remembering that Aelia was afraid of becoming pregnant and that the child he was now holding was a sort of accident along the way. He looked at her embarassed, trying to find the words to apologize but Aelia simply smiled and said convincely, "Yes, next time we will have a boy."

Quintus' eyes widened, "Are...Are you no longer afraid?"

"Yes, my fear is vanished. Oh, I know there are risks but they are takings if the reward is a miracle as our daughter."

"Oh, Aelia, my love!" Quintus passed his left arm over her shoulder and pulled her to him for a sweet kiss.

After they leant back against the headboard and remained silent, as they watched, almost mesmerized, as their daughter slept. Several minutes later Quintus frowned and said, "I've not asked you if you are all right..It was very unconsiderate of me and I hope you will forgive me ....I'm afraid that this little girl completely caught my attention."

Aelia smiled, "Don't worry, I feel fine, just a little sore and tired." She squeezed his hand to let him know she had forgiven him.

Quintus nodded and then asked again, "But -- correct me if I am wrong -- I thought the baby would be born later ....I mean if it was conceived that night..I mean.."

He flushed crimson and his wife barely restrained a laugh at his embarassment. "She was not conceived the night before you left after the barbarian raids, she was conceived a couple of months before. Tertulla told me so."

Quintus let out a relieved sigh, for their baby was the fruit of a loving union and not the result of the most shameful action he had ever committed. Now his happiness was truly complete. He kissed Aelia again on her head and then closed his eyes to better savor that perfect moment.

 

*****

 

That night, Maximus could barely sleep. His mind was fevered with thoughts...the changes he would make in the army, his strategy for the Spring campaign, new officers to appoint....He let his breath out in a sigh. That was where he inevitably tried to think of something else.

New officers.

Establishing a new chain of command would be the first thing he would be expected to do as General. Cassius, General Claudius' second in command was going to Judea to take control of the legions stationed there. Maximus had been third. Fourth was Quintus....he sighed. There was no doubt in his mind that the man was suited to the post, but was he suited to working with Maximus? 

Maximus and Quintus had not always been friends. When they were young, there had been a ceaseless competition between them. Who would be promoted first? Who was the fastest runner? Who was the best with a sword? The contests had sharpened both the skills and driven them to excel- but they also underscored a key component of each man's personality. They were leaders, not followers. If Maximus named Quintus as his second, would they work in harmony, or would his decisions be questioned? ...would the other man see it as more of a "co-generalship" in which his position as friend and almost family gave him the right to forge his own way?

There were other considerations as well. Whomever he named as second would have to spend his nights at the camp while Maximus was away. He would also have to lead the infantry in battles- a grueling, often deadly position. He had never seen Quintus happier than he had been in the past few days, nestling close to his wife and child...how could he tear them apart so quickly?

But if he didn't choose Quintus...? That was a problem as well. Would he understand? Could he believe that it was not a personal slight, but merely a recognizance of the fact that the pair might clash? Still troubled by the situation, Maximus delayed his decision yet again.

 

40

 

His mind still hadn't been made up on the day of the announcement.

Quintus was full of  smiles as they walked from the farmhouse. He had gathered that the successor would not be him, and surprised Maximus with the ease in which he nhad accepted the news.

"I'm not ready to make that sort of sacrifice from my family." He had said earnestly. "A general needs to give his complete attention to the army...and Aelia and Clara need me more."

Maximus had only nodded in reply, Quintus' concern for his wife and child giving further weight to the decision that he had decided to make .Valerius would be his second. The man was not as gifted as his friend, but he was dependable. He lacked aspirations for ever becoming general himself (though Maximus noted this was the sort of man who usually had such things fall into his lap). He acted competently, and unquestioningly. More

importantly, he had no family ties to consider. There was a wife, of sorts, among the camp followers which the other officers carefully avoided acknowledging. There were, perhaps, a few children swarming about in the little packs that wove through the tents. However, they were the hardy, invisible sort who would require no accomodations. Yes, Valerius would suit his purposes admirably.

 

*****

 

The troops assembled in smart lines on the field outside the Praetorium for the presentation. The general had set aside the day to award commendations, as well as promotions, and so the men were in generally good spirits. They cheered as their centurions accepted laurels for performances in past battles, and golden rings as tokens of their long service. Maximus and Quintus were not omitted from the bounty. Each recieved grants of land in the conquered territories from the emperor in return for their assistance in the war. If the cheer for Quintus had been a bit softer- rumors of nepotism did persist- Maximus knew it was compensated by the fact that the man's father-in-law had, indeed arranged for his grant to fall around a silver mine- conveniently located next to the general's own lands, which would pass to Aelia in his will.

At last, the time for the announcement arrived. Quintus leaned over to Maximus. "Look at Cassius, acting so cool....I don't think it was very nice of him to keep us in the dark- but then, I suppose he didn't want us sniffing around jockeying for position." He flashed a grin, and Maximus felt a chill running through his veins....

"....Maximus Decimus Meridas."

The cheer from the assembled soldiers seemed to snap both men's attention back at once, and Quintus looked sharply forward at his father in law, paling at first, but then managing a wary smile at his friend.

"Congratulations." he whispered. The voice was stung- hurt that he hadn't been told, but not malicious - at least not overtly. Feeling like a sleepwalker, Maximus took his position behind the podium. He made a few, standard remarks, thanking the men for their discipline and bravery, briefly previewing some changes he intended to make. Then he came to the portion of the program which the men were most anticipating. His chain of command.

"Gaius Valerius Tachius." The words sounded foreign, even to him. There was a surprised cough from the new assistant commander, but otherwise dead silence. Maximus' eyes floated warily over the platform, resting on each face only briefly: Valerius' look of shock, Claudius' look of betrayal- clearly he had counted on Maximus' repaying his favor by promoting his son-in-law in turn, and finally, Quintus. The face was nearly unreadable, his eyes focused tightly ahead, and an unnatural upward tug at the end of the grimly set line of his lips. At last, someone in the back of the ranks began to clap, and the sound spread. It was not the raucous cheers from before, more a polite syncopation- a sound that resembled frying fish.

Finally it ended, and the men began to shuffle restlessly.

"General? Are we dismissed?" The voice belonged to Claudius. It was terse and businesslike.

"General?"

Oh, gods...he's talking to me. Maximus realized at once. "Dismissed." He said firmly, and turned to walk away. Claudius' eyes caught him, reminding him to remain at attention until the last of the ranks had dispersed. He turned back around. Behind him, he heard the fall of boots on the temporary wooden floor as the officers left the stand. Quintus was with them. Maximus wanted to run after him, but could not. He had to explain! It wasn't a comment on his estimation of the man's abilities...nor was it a strike against their friendship. He had to make him see that the choice was as much for HIS benefit as for his own. At last the men were gone, and he sprinted toward the steps.

"General-" The weaponsmaster said, catching his arm. "There are some figures that we need to discuss before-"

"Later." He answered, pushing past.

"General..."

"General Maximus, sir?"

At last, he realized that he was surrounded. Storekeepers, Accountants, Lieutenants, Centurions...each seemed to have a matter urgently requiring attention. He glanced over their heads to see Quintus heading for the stables. He would never make it in time. Sighing, Maximus resigned himself to business first.

"Go to the Praetorium." He said calmly. "I'll see each of you in turn."

And, with a heavy heart, he began his career as a general.

 

*****

 

Maximus did not return home until long after the sun had set. The dinner hour had passed, and he expected most of the family to be in bed. He was surprised to see Paolina and Livia talking quietly at the kitchen table.

"Maximus!" Paolina said anxiously as he entered the room. She smiled shyly at the dark purple cloak that indicated his new status as a general. "My love, we have been worried about you..." She seemed nervous as she asked the next question. "How did things go today?"

"Fairly well." He avoided her gaze. "Has Quintus gone to bed yet?"

Livia and Paolina shared a look. "I don't know." She answered at last.

Maximus frowned, and his mother laid a hand on his shoulder. "Apparently their house is finished. They are sleeping there tonight. Quintus said they would come tomorrow for the rest of their things."

 

*****

 

Quintus was walking back and forth the hall of their cottage, trying to calm down the anger and the disappointment that were boiling inside him, but he was failing miserably. Why had Maximus done? Why he had chosen Valerius? Quintus had been surprised when Claudius had announced Maximus' name, but with a cool mind he could see the logic behind the choice. Maximus had a gift for understanding the enemy's tactics and strategies. He was also brave, just, and respected by the troops because he had climbed one by one all the steps of the military hierarchy, thanks to his qualitily and not because was the son or the relative of this or that important politician.

However -- as hard as he tried -- Quintus could not understand why his friend had a put another man in the place everybody - including Claudius- thought destined to him. Have him not performed well has Maximus' second in command during Claudius' absence?

The sound of someone knocking stopped his pacing and the went to the atrium, opening the door, not surprised to see Maximus on the step.

They looked at each other in silence then the General asked, "May I come in, Quintus? We need to speak about today."

"I think you already did all the talking this morning, General." Quintus' voice was sarcastic and Maximus bit his tongue to refrain from telling something he might regret later.

"Quintus, I know you are disappointed I did not appoint you as my second in command but I beg you to understand I did not do it because I don't trust you or because I did not considered you good enough for the job. I did it because I did not want to burden you with duties which would keep you away from your family." Maximus was relieved to have been able to voice his reasons.

"What are you saying? My family?" Quintus' voice was no longer sarcastic but it was irritated.

"Think about this, Quintus: one of the members of the command staff must always been in the camp, nights included. If I had chosen you, you would have been obliged to spend your nights in the camp as I stayed in the farm, instead of spending them with your wife and daughter....You told me this morning how important are them for you. Valerius has no family outside the camp and he wont have problems to stay in the praetorium. This was the reason I chose him as my second in command." Maximus stopped to talk and watched as his words slowly sank in Quintus' head.

The legate was confused. He had not thought about the consequences of been part of the chain of command. And he remembered that morning words.....Was it really possible that  he had jumped to the wrong conclusion? He looked at Maximus' eyes and saw that the man was sincere. Quintus sighed and then nodded.

"I understand, Maximus. I admit I jumped to the worst possible conclusion, but you are right, I want to stay near Aelia and Clara....the time to leave them behind will arrive all to soon."

Maximus smiled, relieved the other finally saw why he had acted that way, and the two shook their hands. "Now I let you go, I have keep you up too long. Send my regards to Aelia, all right?"

"Of course. Good Night, Maximus."

"Good Night, Quintus."

Maximus turned around and the door closed behind his back. As he was walking to his home, the young general felt more relaxed than he had been during the whole week....but inside him there was still a little voice that kept telling him that Quintus' friendship was a fragile thing and that the rivalries of their boyhood had left small but indelible scars.

 

*****

 

"Did everything go allright?" Paolina called down from the back porch as she heard him come home.

Maximus shrugged. "Well enough, I suppose. At least, I think that I made him understand my reasons."

Paolina nodded mutely. Maximus frowned. Surely she didn't think that he had made the wrong decision as well.

"Are you hungry?" She said after a long pause.

He nodded. "Yes, and tired."

"Too tired to go for a walk with me?"

He arched his eyebrow, and then smiled to see that she had a picnic basket and a blanket on the step beside her.

"I'm not too tired." He said with a smile. "Where are we going?"

"To our rock." Her smile was suggestive, and Maximus laughed. She had been stand-offish since his mother had arrived, mortified that the older woman might "hear something". He was glad that she had finally changed her mind.

 

*****

 

Maximus and Paolina stayed at their rock until down. When they finally awoke, embarrassed to see the sun rising in the eastern sky, they were stiff but satisfied. Maximus leaned near his wife. "I must head back to the camp" he whispered. "Perhaps important business could keep me there tonight, and I could send the carriage out to get you?"

Paolina nodded, her eyes twinkling with delight.

"Very well, I will see you this afternoon....will mama be okay with Marcus?"

His wife sighed as though it were a silly question. "As if there was a reason to ask...she is enchanted with him- and he loves her almost as much as me. I should not spend too many nights away from home, or he would begin to think that *she* was his mother!"

Maximus smiled, and gathered Paolina into his arms for a goodbye kiss.

"Tonight."

"Tonight."

 

41

 

Maximus was self-conscious about arriving late to the camp on his first full day as general, but there wasn't very much that anyone could say about it. At last, after the tedium of the afternoon before, he was enjoying a perk of command.

"General," His servant, Cicero said as he entered the tent- the boy was temporarily substituting as a secretary until a replacement arrived. "Cassius is waiting in your tent to get the signature for the transfers of men he is taking to Judea."

Maximus nodded. "I'll be right in." He turned to the back so that the slave could help him adjust his armor and cape properly. "Is the list long?" he asked curiously. He was sensitive to the prospect that he might lose many of his best centurions in the move. As senior legate (before Maximus' promotion) Cassius had first choice in selecting his troops. Many of them would be anxious to go- they loved Maximus, but the plunder gained from Eastern expansion was far greater than what was realized in the campaigns against the barbarians, a very practical concern for centurions and other officers who would take a share.

At last, Maximus deemed himself ready. He smiled as he walked into the tent.

"Legate," He said, dipping his head in salute to the older man.

"General." Cassius echoed with a smile.

"You brought the list."

"Right here."

He unrolled the heavy scroll, and Maximus read it from the bottom up, frowning as several men he had hoped to retain were on the list. "You've confirmed this with the transferees?" He said as he reached the middle of the scroll.

"Yes...I'm sorry Maximus, they love you, but the warm sun and harem girls are a powerful motivator for men of a certain age...." He flashed his teeth.

Maximus wondered if the list wasn't a slight payback for having assumed Claudius' command. There was far more opportunity for glory in the bloody brawls of the north than in the relatively tame eastern lands. However, the benefits that his associate had mentioned came close to evening the score ....added to which there was the money. Maximus wondered, briefly, if he had made a mistake.

Finally, Maximus returned his attention to the list. He had reached the actual chain of command now. He was surprised to find five transfers on the list- that was rather more than he had expected of the actual officers.

And then his jaw dropped. Quintus Clarus was listed as second in command.

After several second of paralizing stupor, Maximus regained his composture and raised his eyes to look at Cassius.

"I don't think that there will be any problem with the transfers...Leave here the list so my scribe can copy it for our records. I will sign the orders before evening."

Cassius nodded, "As you wish, General. Good day sir." And he exited the tent leaving Maximus alone with his thoughts. The new general stared again at the scroll but Quintus' name had not magically disappeared. The letters were still there. "Verba volant, scripta manent," (words fly, writing remain) thought Maximus bitterly, then exited the tent and went to search for Quintus.

 

*****

 

He found him near the practice area where the recruits learned how to use weapons. He was teaching to a young man how to use his shield to block his opponent's blows.

"Maybe it would be clearer if we give a demostration," Maximus said loudly and Quintus turned his head to him.

The General walked in the training area, picked up a gladius and a shield and went in front of Quintus. The two soldiers began to execute a series of attacking and retreating moves, first very slowly - so the recruits could watch them better - then more quickly.

After the demostration ended, Maximus gestured to Quintus to follow him on the side of the area. When were far from indiscreet ears the General said, "I have just spoken with Cassius; he haded me the list of the men who want to follow him in Judea.... I saw you too want to go."

Quintus nodded, his face unreadable.

"Why? Are you so angry with me for what I did yesterday you don't want to work with me anymore? I thought you say you understood my reasons!" Maximus sounded almost hurt.

"No, it's not because of that. Listen Maximus: I like to serve under you but I also need my space. I have been in your shadow -- no, let me finish," He raised his hand before Maximus could interrupt. "It is not a criticism to you -- I've been in your shadow for so long that  I no longer know if I can act alone. We have always been a team- a good team- but I need to be by myself for a while....can you understand this?"

Maximus nodded, "I never wanted for you to feel inferior to me ...."

"I don't! I just want to be more autonomous, and this campain in Judea is a good opportunity." Quintus seemed sincere and his friend could only accept his explanation.

"It is your right and I respect your decision but....what about Aelia and the baby?"

Quintus raised his chin, "I told her yesterday evening. She said she understands."

Maximus gave him a look as if to say, "Really?" but did not comment.  After a long silence the general finally nodded, "So be it. I will sign the transfer papers immediately." He reached out with his hand and Quintus took it, "Good luck, my friend."

"And to you."

Maximus turned on his heels and walked away.

 

*****

 

Aelia and Paolina knelt in the nursery sorting the girls' things into large baskets. Quintus' wife was sad to be leaving the little villa that she had called home for so long- she had a feeling that she would never see it again- but she was also happy to be starting off on the life that she had always dreamed of. She and Clara would leave for Rome soon. Quintus and her grandfather would accompany them to the capitol. After seeing that his family was comfortably installed, her husband would catch his ship  bound for Judea. He had offered for Aelia and the baby to follow him- it was not unusual for families and children to take up residence in the long-held countries. However, she had declined the offer. She suspected, rather than knew, the basis for Maximus' decision to pass over Quintus' promotion. She knew that her husband's career would fare better if he could give all of his attention to the army. At any rate, it was a short sail home to Rome, and besides, she was looking forward to rediscovering the city of her youth. It would be wonderful to be in the center of the world, rather than a provincial backwater for a time. How much better it would be now that she had the money and status to enjoy it to the fullest!

Paolina had barely spoken to Aelia that morning, and rather than wondering if she were angry- ridiculous, since Paolina invariably wore her heart on her sleeve- she simply mused over which particular shortcoming she should apologize for first. The tension between Maximus and Quintus had seeped through to their wives. Unlike her husband, who seemed to have accepted Quintus' plans to go East as the result of a rational, if painful decision, Paolina bore the change as a personal affront to the friendship the two men had shared. She could not forgive the man for "abandoning" his friend when he was needed so badly. 

There was also the matter of the wetnurse. After raphsodizing for months on how fulfilled she felt as a mother for being able to nourish her child, she was horror-stricken when her cousin had abandoned breast feeding after only two days. Although Aelia had said nothing of the kind, Paolina suspected that her cousin viewed this to be a more refined option...and she resented it.

Finally, Paolina was hurt that her cousin's departure would occur so abruptly, she had been counting on a liesurely goodbye- the rest of the winter at least, and then a summer spent together in the capitol. Was she even still invited to go? She didn't know, and she wasn't about to ask. And so, the women packed in silence.

Truth be told, Aelia and Quintus were the least of Paolina's troubles. It was Maximus that  she was secretly afraid to face. Only a few days before, she had begun to suspect something  that was certain to set him on edge. A secret that she simply wouldn't risk telling him until her fears were confirmed. Perhaps Tertulla's advices weren't as foolproof as she had claimed. Paolina was afraid she pregnant again.

 

*****

 

Finally the day of the departure arrived. Two big wagons arrived to the just after dawn, stopping in front of the main villa were Aelia, Clara, the wetnurse and other servants were waiting for them. The wagons were escorted by several soldiers on horse back with Quintus as their commander.

Paolina, Maximus, Livia, little Marcus and all the household servants were gathered in the porch for the last greetings.

Aelia handed the basket holding Clara to her husband and approached the little family. Her cousin's eyes were full of tears and she embraced her tightly.

"This is not a farewell, Paolina, is only a goodbye. We will see each other again in the spring, when you come to Rome."

Paolina felt a little bit relieved. "So she still want for me to visit her." She thought and stepped back to look deeply in Aelia's blue eyes, "Take Care Aelia."

"You too."

Then Aelia said her goodbyes to Maximus and the others, kissing little Marcus on his chubby cheek, "Be a good boy, my little nephew, and don't make your mama angry." Marcus replied with a giggle.

Aelia turned around and walked to the wagon were Quintus helped her on board. Inside the onlookers could see Claudius lying confortably with his broken leg propped on a couch. The former general saluted his successor in the military way --touching his chest with his right fist -- and the other people with a deep bow. After a final glance to house and the persons who had meant so much to her for so much life, Aelia nodded to her husband and Quintus closed the wagon door. He then collected his horse and walked in front of Maximus and his family. There was a moment of emotional and embarassed silence then Maximus said, "Ave atque vale, Quintus, and good luck for your sojourn in Judea."

"You too Maximus...I will miss you..and you, Paolina. Thank you for the support you gave to us in all this time." Quintus bowed and then, with a whirl of his cape, he mounted on his horse. However, before trotting to the column lead, he turned around once more and said aloud, "Strength and honour."

"Strenght and honour" repeated Maximus.

The drivers cracked the whips on the horses and the wagons started to move, surrounded and protected by the riders.

In few minutes they completely disappeared from the view and from the farm.

 

42

 

Time seemed to pass very slowly after Aelia and Clara were gone. In spite of Marcus' happy cooing and Livia's almost constant conversation, the little house seemed empty. Paolina desperately wished that she still had Aelia to confide in- only she truly understood what Paolina had gone through to bear her son- but the weeks that it would take to send a letter to Rome- and the weeks that it would take for a reply to return- would render any advice useless.

What would she do? What could she do? She loved Marcus so much! And she knew that Maximus would love to have another child, if he were not afraid of the consequences. However, even Paolina's most reckless side understood that attempting to carry another child meant almost certain death. She recalled vividly lying in the cellar beneath the house, feeling the cold fingers of death wrap around her ankle and begin to pull her away....Do away with the child? It was common, she knew- and there were certainly people in the camp who could accomplish it, but how could she harm a product of the love between herself and Maximus?

The General sensed the tension, but he was too tired and too distracted to confront her. Paolina seemed very reserved in conversation and in his bed. She seemed drawn up within herself, like a snail hiding deep within its shell. Chalking it up to loneliness for her cousin, Maximus let the mood pass without remark.

At last, Paolina could wait no longer.

 

*****